We talk to a lot of couples – either people we know, or clients – and over and over we see families collapse for seemingly trivial reasons.
The actual reasons might or might not be trivial, but the excuses that are used to substantiate the decision often don’t really hold on as ‘facts’. All too often we see one (or both) giving up into fear and blame, and blowing things out of proportions. They start cheating on each other or ‘opening up’ the relationship (that’s a slope that always goes downhill), or just stop communicating and sharing hearts with each other. Then, yes, you do have an issue at that point, but that’s an effect, not the underlying cause.
Guys and girls, Ladies and gentlemen: chill out! Talk to each other. Talk! Also get close, enjoy sexuality with each other, give pleasure to each other, don’t push each other away! Union, understanding and healing are found in the mix of Shiva and Shakti energy. That’s why ‘Tantric’ healing is such a big thing, these days – besides the fact that many practitioners and customers kind of miss the point that such exchanges should be sacred and performed within the safe boundaries sacred marriage, not going to pay an ‘expert’ to get pelvic massages. I tend to classify those services in a different bucket, and it’s not about spirituality. Come on, folks, massage each other! Use your body! No, not by going to the gym or running in the park alone, but exploring he Kama Sutra in your own bed with your own partner. How can you ‘get bored’ of someone you love? You obviously liked him or her earlier if you are in a relationship, right? Right? What happened, then? Where did you feel hurt, why did you retract? Don’t hold grudges! This is not kindergarten. This is life. Open your hearts! Dig deep. See what’s bothering you. Make the other awake – and vice versa. Work on yourself – we all have unresolved issues and pains. We need to admit them to ourselves and work on them. It is possible to do this together as a family and grow stronger, where others have given up. It’s not easy to see how many around us give up. The more you see something outside, the more you’ll automatically start wondering whether that applies to your situation, too? Insecurities feed on other insecurities, and they build up a negative, dark, gloomy cage for yourself. And that is when you start breaking things, because at that point your vibrations have lowered so much that you can only create chaos, and are making choices from a place of fear! What might feel like an empowering feeling of fierceness (“I finally stood up for myself!”), at that point is really an ego-clouded impulse, you are not seeing clear – that is the same feeling an accidental first-time murderer feels, for a few fleeting seconds, before despair kicks in. To a probably lesser extent that for killing someone, but you might regret your moderately-hysterical moments, too. Ponder wisely.
Now, there is of course a type of situation in which one of the partners is really abusive and won’t cooperate or acknowledge his/her behavior at all, and the other partner desires to break free, not being a doormat. We do understand those legitimate situations, too.
But in many, too many, cases we see people just giving up too early and for petty things. Even some ‘spiritual’ people, sadly, as time passes by.
Why do they do that?
Because they confuse their souls with their ego’s, in those moments, and forget to sense reality with an open heart.
Because they go in ‘automatic pilot’ and start believing and repeating phrases and ideas they have heard in movies, songs, crappy novels, or from their peers, and don’t realize that they have, plainly and simply, absorbed those ideas and examples and they are now simply re-playing that same tape over and over. They don’t notice that they are doing that, and they should be aware because such a tape or script were never written by themselves (by their soul) but by someone else who doesn’t know about the specifics of that relationship, and probably doesn’t care all that much about it.
A lot of self-help guidance often invites to ‘let go’ and ‘flow’.
Unfortunately, I have noticed all too often that the ego twists those concepts, and it’s too easy to hear ‘run away’ in that ‘let go’ when you are afraid to stay in your responsibilities! A lot of times that really means ‘let go of the bullshit in your head’ or ‘let go of the need to control how others behave’ or ‘let go of the need to be always right and win an argument’ and feel that, despite differences and day to day incomprehension’s, maybe the main important thing – Love – is still there, but we tend to close it off when we get touched on our scars, and blow situations out of proportions.
General excuses like ‘We are too different’ really sounds to me like ‘I can’t be asked to put the effort to acknowledge my own self-esteem issues, so I’d rather give up’. You have always known you were different – that’s why you were attracted by each other in the first place! But you get convinced by your ego that you’d be better off alone, or fantasize about other persons, but if you don’t work on your own unresolved psychological scars and pains, you will end up in another almost identical situation – until you learn the lesson that life had brought you. The same lesson will come up over and over and over – it will follow you in the next life if you don’t address it in this one.
‘Flow’ means this. Being in the river of life implies swimming, and it is hard work. It even implies removing blocks and mud from the river, jumping over stones, dealing with unforeseen waterfalls. The metric for success is staying alive, healthy, fed, and finding enjoyment in the process, while we learn to be always better people.
It does not mean ‘engage in promiscuous sex left and right while you are already committed to someone’. That would be running away and getting distracted, not flowing! A lot of those desires are also not yours – they are planted by media and society, too, just like those blanket statements discussed above. The stuff to let go of therefore also includes these patterns you have learned and have been programmed with since childhood. It’s not your soul mirror that you should let go of, and seek comfort with someone else, but rather make an effort to find out and make clear with yourself what your soul really came to do when it chose to take human form, and see what blockages and conditioning if preventing you from being all that you are, and making you see yourself smaller and less capable. Only when you learn to love yourself this way (not the hedonist, narcissist and decadent way that calls for escape, but the way that calls you to kick your own ass for what really matters) then you’ll find everlasting happiness.
It’s not about having and wanting always more, being with someone else, buying something else; it’s about falling in love, everyday, with what we already have here on this planet, the many blessings we do have, the love of those who care for us deeply and want to see us evolve, and learning to need less. It’s about watering those seeds we planted, attending the everyday wonder of seeing those plants grow, and learn from and with them, while making rainbows and jumping into puddles, like kids, and enjoying being alive while spreading joy by your own life example.
* To fully understand how the energy of this period can influence and affect you on a personal level, book a one-on-one card reading or consultation with us.